Friday, December 16, 2011

zombies and the holidays?

So, it's been a while since I posted here. My apologies. As my esteemed colleague Sergei pointed out, summer is pretty excellent, and we've been having a pretty good time on patrol for potential invasions. Anyway, I was talking to my mom a few weeks back and she pointed out to me something that I hadn't really thought of before -- why do you never hear about the zombie apocalypse occurring during winter? In all of the movies, the books, the magazines.. it's almost always summer (or some time when it is not butt ass cold outside). So I want to spend a few minutes of my (and your) time exploring some of the possibilities about why we never hear about zombies in the winter.

First, the most obvious explanation -- some type of physiological change occurs in the body when you become a zombie and is made easier by heat. Unfortunately, it seems that no one has really ever explored this option seriously (feel free to post comments if I'm wrong). But, that's definitely a possibility. Given that I'm not a doctor and I know next to nothing about anatomy, and have never actually met a real zombie, I just don't know.

A second and more plausible explanation is that for some reason, zombies just don't like the goddamn cold. Maybe they hibernate, like bears! Bears are pretty damn scary, and so are zombies, so I'm thinking that there is quite likely something to this theory, given all of the commonalities that we've just explored between bears and zombies. Okay, so possible explanation number two is that zombies hibernate. This is pretty groundbreaking research that we're doing here, people. I don't know that anyone has ever put forth such an explanation before!

OK, so those are a couple of explanations as to why zombies don't show up in the winter. I really can't think of any more right now, so I encourage you to leave some comments with your own theories. Right now, though, I want to point out one of the reasons that I think zombies would actually have it EASIER if they were to attack during the winter. The reason, quite simply, is that humans are fatter during the holidays. We eat more (at least in America), because, well, that's what we do. We exercise less because it's cold and our noses run and we'd rather just sit on our asses. So, given that humans are inherently fatter during the holidays, wouldn't that make it easier for zombies to chase us down and have their own little individual Thanksgiving feasts on our flesh? Also, because we're not exercising as regularly, our stamina will be down. So not only are we running slower, but we can't even run for as long! It's a boon for the zombies! They don't know what they're missing.

God, I hope they can't read the Internet.

Much love, until next time... remember, the zombies are coming. Stay frosty out there.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Northern Virginia Zombie Invasion?

It was brought to my attention yesterday that the Restonian has received notification, via a road sign, that there were recently zombies on Hunter Mill Road! I haven't seen any photographic evidence of this event other than the sign (as seen on their page). If anyone out there has some, please send it our way.

P.S. - Sorry about the lack of updates. Summer is a pretty awesome time of the year and we have been enjoying some excellent zombie-free outdoor fun.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

hot temperatures = higher likelihood of zombie invasion?

I took the picture to the right in my car on the way to meet Sergei for chicken wings the other day, shortly after leaving work. Pretty damn hot, as you can see. What I'm trying to figure out is if a significantly higher temperature (such as a temperature >100 degrees Fahrenheit) makes us more or less vulnerable to a zombie invasion?

Now, my initial thought was that with the higher temperatures, people would be sweating more, skin would be a little looser, and people would be outside more and presumably hurting themselves, thus bleeding more... but is that at all relevant to what it would take to start a zombie invasion? My research thus far has yielded surprisingly little results, and if you look at it from a pop culture perspective, it seems that weather really has no impact. For instance, "Zombieland" occurs during what appears to be either spring or summer, while "Dead Snow," if it's not obvious from its name, occurs during the winter. In both cases, there are zombies-a-plenty.

Searching for "zombie attacks more likely hot weather" doesn't really tell me anything aside from the fact that you're more likely to be killed by extremely hot weather than a terrorist, so I might have reached a bit of a stone wall when it comes to my research in this area.

Do any of you have any ideas as to whether hot weather = higher likelihood of a zombie invasion? For the moment, for the reasons I outlined at the top of the post, I'm sticking with my original hypothesis that hot weather DOES, in fact, make it easier for the zombies to take over. But I'm open to changing my mind if someone can find some good reasons as to why.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

e.coli in europe - the beginning of the apocalypse?

So, unless you've been living under a rock over the past days, you're aware that the folks over in Europe are having a serious problem with E. Coli. Conventional wisdom holds that the zombie apocalypse will begin with the introduction of a virus that infects a small group who turn over a period of anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days. So, the real question is, will it be an E. Coli outbreak that gets things started? At least initially it seemed to be that the problem with E. Coli was contained in Europe, which means that in a matter of days, France will undoubtedly be surrending to Germany. The kicker, though, is that I heard recently that there was a case of E. Coli in my hometown in Tennessee -- if that's the case, it might already be on US shores!

So, if the virus has made it to US shores, it's only a matter of time before Patient Zero bites somebody, which infects them. And then they bite someone else, and infect them. Lather, rinse repeat, until such time as police and military barricades are being overrun and there are crashed helicopters in the middle of the street in residential neighborhoods.

Lock and load, people. The zombies are coming.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

an important exercise...

I really think it's important that we all think about this question at random points throughout the day, at random places in our offices and our homes. Because, really, when the zombies DO start to take over, you're going to have to grab whatever is closest. Might as well start thinking about that now, and always keep something zombie-lethal within reach. My fellow blogger Sergei would likely recommend the Mosin Nagant. Me? Baseball bats are a lot of fun. If you use aluminum, they make a pretty awesome sound.

UPDATE: It occurs to me that I should add what was directly to my left at the time of this posting. It's a water bottle. Pretty serious noob mistake. I'll make sure this never happens again.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Throwing a Zombie Hunting Party? How About a Themed Drink?

We all know that real Zombie Hunters live on whiskey but everyone likes to change it up now and then (such as using an AR-15 instead of a Mosin Nagant). Serious Eats posted a cool drink (get it) called Zombie Punch.

Serious Eats Zombie Punch Recipe

Monday, May 23, 2011

the best way to fend off a zombie?

ok -- opinion time. what is the best way to fend off a zombie?

1) an AR-15 or mosin nagant and plenty of ammo
2) tossing carcasses of animals in a direction other than your own
3) machetes
4) rainbows

comment with thoughts, please.

21st has come and gone

Survived the rapture. Investigated in multiple areas. All seems fine. There is less of a need to have a Mosin Nagant at the ready. Safe to drop from condition orange to yellow (Cooper Color Code)

Friday, April 22, 2011

Humorous Comparison of (Zombie Defense) Rifles

Excellent article. Mosin is the best for Zombies. Recommend an M44 (AIM has them right now) due to length and fixed folding bayonet.